Feeling Liberated :)

 I have been meaning to write this post for quite some time. As always, was waiting for the 'right opportunity', which is nothing but a subtle way of saying - I am being lazy & can't seem to find the motivation to sit & write. 

Since the last post written in the last days to August 2024, the lift has changed so much.

I recall last year around same time writing this post about manifesting an alternate reality. A reality that was so different from the fears & worries that surrounded me then.

And now in this moment, it fills me up with so much joy & boundless gratitude to Almighty that things turned out to be so good, so far *touchwood* !

A great job, beautiful apartment, generous colleagues, financial abundance - all the things I had been hoping for in last few years since moving to Canada. Some semblance of the security & comfort I enjoyed back home in India. 

But that means it also created a space for the old habit patterns to creep in - the cavalier, casual attitude that led me to nadir and consequently, a lot of efforts & prayers to crawl back up. I had promised myself that this time I am going to make sure I WON'T FORGET the lessons I learnt & this post is an endeavor in that direction. 

As Steve Jobs famously said - 'Some years you win, some years you build character.'

2024 was the latter for me. What A YEAR 😅. I learnt so much about myself. How I interact within & outside. How things can change & what efforts I am capable of! 

I scribbled notes on my phone each time I encountered a problem, had a sparkling realization or was in a fix. Through it, I realized the power of choosing. The power of free-will. And today I'll summarize some of these notes here for posteriority so that when I look at them later, I recall the time when & why I made the choices I did and how did it pan out for me. 


1)  The importance of Calmness & Peace

• It's imperative to be reflective & do self-evaluation at all times. Take time before taking decisions & think it through. The first casualty in the battle between impatience & acceptance is calmness of mind & it's a fight that MUST be won. 
  
  
• Keep finding the repetitive patterns that feed into a cycle. Constant consumption of media, Twitter,  Grindr, porn, anything (even too many self-help or astrology videos!) disturbs the tranquility of mind deeply. Unceasing fidgeting, smoking, jerking off - all of them are ulterior ways of energy dissipation. 
  
  
• The चंचल मन (restless/fickle mind) can be controlled through practice & detachment - अभ्यास एवं वैराग्य.
  
  
• Situations will not always conducive. Things will not go as per plan every time. Focus on finding an alternate solution that maximizes productivity & intentional work. Keep in mind - maybe the 'supposed thing' (either that job or that guy or anything I am craving for) didn't work out because Divine protected you & had a better plan for you (as you have seen ample times in retrospect).
  
  
• संयम and समता during all times. Good, bad, whatever. Don't let failures bog you down and don't let successes change you negatively and make you arrogant. Equanimity is the key to a peaceful life. You learnt this in Vipassana but it's practical application is of utmost importance.
  
  
• Live by the principle of - If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two impostors just the same. Not just for saying or superficially, but down to the deepest core. Continually reiterating it. You'll need the reinforcement.

2) Facing fears & anxiety 

• Face internal fears HEAD ON and in time. Avoiding them only increases restlessness, exacerbates fear and that sinking feeling in gut - making you unproductive. Don't wait for last minute/11th-hour pressure to kick you up to work. Just start & bulldoze through in spite of fear.
  
  
• Source of anxiety is internal - Not taking the action that's needed to be done. Stress primarily comes from not taking action over something that you can have some control over - Don't let stress take over.

3) Ethics – Doing the right thing - at work, life, home, with people

• Good things are not 'destined' or 'promised' for you. जितना करोगे, उतना मिलेगा.
  
  
• Can't take कर्म out of equation - कर्म से नहीं भाग सकते
  

4) Life is ephemeral & Time is fleeting

• It's slipping out of hands without you realizing. There are not going to be a lot of chances.
  
  
• As we age, one mistake can set you 3-5 years behind.
  
  
• Living in the moment & not imagined future of different kinds, gives peace & stillness. 
  
  
• Living in the PRESENT frees mind from jumping to the infinite possibilities of 'if this happens' or 'if that happens'.
  
  
• Time is going to pass irrespective. Future is going to present either way. Fretting/worrying over it/dreaming about it  - has not been productive. यह होगा तो ऐसा होगा, वो होगा तो वैसा होगा - these are all useless pursuits.
  
  
• Doing easy Vs Doing right. You gotta decide.
  
  
• The cycle of good times and bad times will go on - focus on your Karma, your faith and discipline with spiritual practices - ना सुख में सुखी, ना दुख में सुखी.
  
  
• Recall your experience of waiting for the elevator (On G floor Vs 31st floor). Seeing in advance makes the wait easier but having trust and patience when you can't see is equally important.
  
  
• Future is not written. Free will exists. Focusing on present activity frees mind.
  
  
• तुम अपनी करनी कर गुजारो, जो होगा देखा जाएगा with a smile on face and self assurance that's derived from a higher belief - makes life calmer & easier.
  
  

5) Ego, Pride & Self-esteem - How are they linked?

• Delineate between arrogance and confidence. You have let your arrogance overtake you often in life.
  
  
• Don't let Rahu effect take over - exaggerating, lying, aggrandizement, embellishment.
  
  
• Always remember what Gurbaani says - चिंता जाए, मिटे अहंकार
  
  
• The constant need for reassurance/validation from social media - who unfollowed you, who liked your posts etc is a part of manifesting worst fears through projection. It lowers self-esteem.
  
  
• Don't subconsciously fish for compliments; you realize you do it for every little thing you do. Point in case - singing a song in group, expecting compliment for remembering lyrics or some improvement in physique. Be actively aware of it. Breaking free from this habit will help you genuinely present in the moment and reassured. It is a form of external validation that you seek that gives temporary pleasure. If you are genuinely good at something, compliments will automatically come. Aiming to better yourself, in an honest fashion, should be your ultimate goal. Compliments are byproduct. Not the main reason.
  
  
• Recall that in overexcited or overstimulated states in the past, you have been unnecessarily loud, brash and uncouth. Be mindful of it always. Observe it dispassionately and it'll automatically reduce.
  
  
• There'll be times when you realize you have fallen back to your old pattern, for e.g. When you talk to old friends - embellishing, exaggerating, aggrandizement, lying, painting a picture much rosier than reality - talking in high pitch too excitedly, frequently interrupting (out of enthusiasm or plain rudeness), making castles out of thin air about future - losing your sense of stoicism and mindfulness, being balanced & being in present - when THAT happens - realize it, accept it, seek apology from the Divine & forgive yourself. Ask Divine to guide you back to the path of calmness and centered in the present moment.
  
  
• Don't show-off. Especially when it comes to salary, future, money, numbers, travels etc. Explore what's this insecurity you have that you feel the need to be compensated like this. Showing-off is one of the shallower forms of expression. Comes across as crass. Identify through mindfulness how do you indulge into it.

5) Hoarder Behavior 

• You have realized that you have been a hoarder - though the items of interest have changed with time. Initially it was clothes, knick-knacks, perfumes etc and now it's images of poetry, thoughts, ideas & memes. 
  
  
• Though it's some improvement but don't just collect information - whether it's the smoking counter, jerk-off counter, Duolingo & wordle streak. Focus on moving up - drawing conclusions out of it, setting goals and charting the improvement.
  
  
• Declutter intensely - Physically, digitally & emotionally. You have seen how it helps you. 
  
  

7) Constant self-improvement 

• Actively find patterns that are unproductive - e.g. Eating before paath, and develop workarounds them.
  
  
• Perfection will come (for e.g. reading a medical paper once and able to assimilate the useful info in one go) - but only with practice. eEverything comes with practice.
  
  
• Regularly check to see which area of life I am not being honest/what area demands your attention - otherwise you'll end up in a situation like the one last year if not identified and remedied on time. Issues that you sweep under the rug - for e/g. not particularly interested in science of medicine per se but more into the allied corporate aspect but never confronted and addressed. And it led to the period of reckoning where I was jobless getting no response for almost 2 years at job front.
  
  
• Be careful which thoughts you choose to entertain in your mind. Multitude of thoughts come floating every moment, use discretion to focus on the right kind of thoughts and importantly don't indulge in thoughts that feed your existing patterns, viz arrogance, superiority, imaginations about future and repetitions of past.
  
  

8) Value Discipline

• Proper decorum/hygiene of any activity needs to be followed - ardaas after Paath, the pre-sleep routine of dentalcare, skincare & prayers, morning routine of coffee with wordle & Duolingo.
  
  
• Importance of discipline - whiling away time comes naturally to you, lying in bed, eating, smoking all day even when you have lot of tasks to accomplish. Need to push yourself out of the miasma zone to make a better life for me. Doing same things will only beget similar results as you have got in the past.
  
  
• FINISH TASKS to the end - take them to logical conclusion, if you want full result - half efforts not only NOT ACHIEVE them but cause deep anguish about just nearing the finish line but not exactly at the summit. Point in case - Abs. You had done well to bring down weight but for abs to show, carbs have to be cut much further. That's the main thing you haven't paid attention to, and at beach you'll not have the abs picture you have always wanted.
  
  
•  Get back on track - there will be days/weeks/months when you feel weak/uninspired/lethargic - eat a good meal, wank if needed, change sheets, wash clothes, have a nice bath and rest properly - but set firm deadlines & small goals to get back to your habits, cleansing your self and back to things you would want yourself doing - don't let the guilt of it weigh you down. After all you are born in Punarvasu Nakshatra - constantly starting over has been & will be the pattern of your life. But each time you start, you'll be one step ahead - a gradual progress, but progress nonetheless. 
  
  
  

9) Interaction with the world 

• Give people compliments freely, uninhibitedly, even to strangers.
  
  
• Meet people with kindness and a smile as if you know them from long and pour love on them. Everyone is going through something. Be genuinely empathetic. More so than you have been.
  
  
• Continue working on developing gravitas in your speech - speak less, speak low, speak effectively.
  
  
• Sounding profound vs sounding (rather being) genuine. Constantly move from former to latter.
  
  
• There'll be times when you'll have to do something that affects other people in a negative way, even with the best intentions (recall when you had to withdraw your candidature from a job after signing the contract & one day before the date of joining because you got a better & high paying job). It'll be absolutely unavoidable. Try as much as possible to soften the blow and seek constant forgiveness from Almighty. You can't escape the Karmic debt, no matter how noble the intention is. Pray and bless constantly the affected individual/party and seek guidance from Almighty to repair the damage in whatever way HE feels is right.
  
  
• Honesty at all times lifts the burden caused by possibility of manipulation. The thought process of perceived winning of a hypothetical situation is a low, sad way of life. Rise above it. E.g. When you were was hoping that your flat mate comes late with your car so that I leave by then for the picnic. Then he'll be apologetic and you'll say it's okay & you had to take the public transport as you was getting late and you had things to carry. Even though you had CLEARLY decided long back that you'll be going by cab + subway. This 'supposed win' would have pleased you and gave you upper moral ground for future. That's a low level behavior. You HAVE to rise above it.
  
  

10) Relationship with God 

• सो क्यूँ विसरे जिन सब कुछ दिया, सो क्यूँ विसरे जिन जीवन जिया - These words from Gurbaani should be the core of your daily existence. 
  
  
• Importance of spiritual rituals and prayers - सूर्य को जल अर्पण करना, सुखमनी साहिब का पाठ, forgiveness, blessings & purification Meditation, donations & charity especially on Saturday.
  
  
• दुःख में सुमिरन सब करे, सुख में करे न कोय. जो सुख में सुमिरन करे, तो दुःख काहे को होय - pray even if waters are calm and not just when bad times come or you want something from Almighty.
  
  
  

11) Content consumption moderation especially astrology 

• It sounds ironic coming from me - but don't listen to too many horoscopes for every transit, from different sources. 
  
  
• Continue learning about the basic dharma of each planet, what karma it asks/demands and focus on centering yourself, your prayers, your own karma, things in your hand.
  
  
• Watching too much of these videos gives you into fear mongering and makes you scared, manifesting the worst - Free will exists in some sense.
  
  

13) Happiness is crucial

• Seek happiness & express gratitude in everything you do.
  
  
• Instead of trying to seek it in external events/things/situations, just try to be happy. Be content. Full of gratitude in each moment. Things will happen at their pace. There'll be a right time to take each action, bide for it. The journey is what eventually matters.
  
  

Love, 
ASK