Learning Lessons for Life - 2024 Edition

 

(About the picture - Taken from my balcony one dreary winter evening in February 2024. A rather apt amalgamation of overcast skies and piercing coldness on the outside & rudderless and hopeless शून्यता on the inside) 

At this moment I have this strong urge to henceforth treat this blog as Marcus Aurelius treated his diary.

As the Emperor of Rome in 170 AD, he had at his disposal the best of wine, women & all kinds of luxuries. Rather than indulging into vices, he penned his thoughts in his diary regularly on importance of being morally upright, what he learnt from various individuals around him & how ruling over his subjects justly & responsibly was his ultimate duty. After he passed away, his personal diary was published as a book titled 'Meditations' that has become the guiding light for stoic philosophy as a subject. 

Borrow from his template, I intend to write the lessons I have learnt in last 2 & half years (and continuing!) , the lessons I want to ingrain in my life forever going forward. 

I observe an inherent paradox in my behavior. When it comes to others, I try my best to be 'genuinely' interested in what say, find out why they are are saying it; helping people understand patterns in their behavior. Try to ask them pointed questions but with empathy that help them open their heart. Maybe that's why I am a quasi-therapist to people around me. Listening to them when they are in a negative frame of mind, helping them to see an issue from different vantage points. Though I was probably gifted with a base-level of these skills, I have tried to upskill my self in this department. Right from the countless dates I have been on to my friends at work, I have subconsciously been working to improve myself in active & empathetic listening. I am actively cultivating the habit of not getting on a pedestal and start talking about things I have to say which I think are important but rather listening to others dispassionately. Perhaps it's the Jupiter in 12th house influence, teaching/advising (bordering on being preachy) comes naturally to me. 

But on the other hand, being open & direct about my feelings doesn't come naturally to me. I have been more of a listener than a 'sharer' to put it that way. Not that I bottle up emotions or anything, I don't see the point to burden people with inanities of thoughts in my mind. And to be honest, I don't think my emotions/feelings bother me much anymore. I am always more interested in finding out about what others' are going through and through helping them/listening to them, I find my peace. Now that I think, could it be because of ego? Do I derive pleasure from fortification of my ego - 'Look I am this wise man that guides people & help solve their emotional issues?'. That's an interesting issue I should ruminate upon more & write on it someday. 

Back to the issue at hand, I have been going a through a challenging time for last 3 & half years (since I left Mumbai), particularly for last 2 & half years since I moved to Canada. For almost last 18 months, I have been jobless. Haven't earned a single penny but have been paying rent for a high rise condo, storage unit charges & all the other expenditures that come along with living in an expensive city like Toronto. I also took 2 trips to India in the interim & my savings got exhausted by end of last year itself. For last 6 months I have been living on money my parents have been sending me. Before 2021, I never faced financial challenges - I used to earn comfortable 6 figures every month in India, never thought much before taking national/international trips or spending on friends/dinners/on-the-spur-of-the-moment (often mindless!) lavish purchases. A classical pointer of someone born in Venus lagna. But as they say, life teaches you the importance of things you don't value. Valuing money is that lesson that I am forced to learn right now. But this lesson at the age of 36 hurts way more :/

Another aspect of life I never bothered to value was job security. Being a doctor by training & having worked in an allied healthcare industry, since the moment I stepped out of college, I was used to comfortable, well paying jobs that valued me (my degrees to be honest!), gave me recognition & helped make me become successful. Now in retrospect, I think I never VALUED the security it brought me. 

In last few months since I came back in Toronto, I have been deliberating on some of aspects of life that I have hitherto ignored and actively working upon them. It doesn't imply that I have been perfect but when I stumble & get back into my old patterns, I try to get back on track quicker than last time.

In the next few posts, I intend to write in detail, the notes I have been preparing & acting upon for months. Notes on how to be the adult I always wanted to!

Cheers, 
ASK