Unexpected news right off the bat - What a start to 2026 :/
On the first day of 2026, I was hit with a unexpected surprise. It is making me confront the deep seated fears that I knew inevitably will come to fore some day.
Every time I come to India, I insist on getting medical tests for everyone in family. During a routine check-up this time, there was some tumorous growth noticed in my father's report. Further steps have already been scheduled and we'll get to know more in the coming days. Medically, I'll be able to mange till the time I am here. But this whole episode (which has just started) has put the unavoidable, in the limelight - aging parents & what lies next.
My parents have been a bedrock for me & my home has been my ultimate refuge. No matter what I was going through in the outer world, the idea of a home to go back to, have always given me comfort & security like nothing else. I quit jobs without anything else lined up, moved countries, underwent surgeries, had heartbreaks - whenever I wanted to run away from the world, I always came back home & found my father waiting to pick me up. He took me around the city every time I wan to run for errands (I still don't drive in India & have no intentions to learn how to in this senseless traffic) & my mum cooked the best dishes till whatever duration I was there. I came out to them more than a decade ago and they haven't said anything (and they still keep fielding irritating questions from their friends & relatives every time the issue of of my marriage comes up) except occasional vague queries on the lines of 'what's the plan'😅
My father was never around much during my childhood owing to being in armed forces and my brother & I stayed with our mother. My mother tells me that when I was a toddler and my father used to visit us (once in 6 months types) during his leave, I used to go hide inside the bedroom, wondering who is this hairy man sitting next to my mum. It took me a couple of days to understand that this man is my father and he'll be staying with us and by that time, his leaves got over & it was his time to go back. This cycle continued till I become a bit older and understood the concept of a father.
Though we lived together earlier when I was a toddler, my earliest memory of developing a solid father-son relationship was when I was around 10 years old and both my parents were posted together in the same town.
He was never a strict father, usually deferring to my mother for disciplining us. His own childhood was marred with an overbearing mother - my grandmother who passed away recently at the ripe age of 90 - was a specimen to reckon with and is still talked about in our extended family to this day. A hardcore narcissist, she had my father wrapped around her fingers till his 40s turning him against my mother that led to constant saas bahu fights over the years. It was only in last 25 years that he saw things what they really were & starting standing up to her, much to her chagrin. In last decade or so, I witnessed him swinging to the other extreme - he shouted and shot down my grandmother's every scheming idea that led to another kind of fights that were often ironically deescalated by my mother. His father, on the other hand - who also passed away a few years ago when he was 92 - was a silent witness most of his life. With his hearing loss happening years ago, he was unbothered and busy with his own side quests.
In last 2 decades as I have continued to evolve & become a man in my own right, I have to come know & love my father deeply. Not the expressive kinds, his love language is acts of service, though in last few years I have seen him try to be more expressive of his love - both emotionally & physically. It doesn't come to him naturally and yet he has actively tries and it is sooo cute to see him try to kiss me goodbye whenever he drops/pick me up at the airport 😍 !
Keeping true to the Indian dad stereotype, he has a knack for fixing everything under the sun. For any appliance/gadget/equipment that malfunctions, the default setting of my millennial brain is to replace it pronto. He, on the other hand, will try to fix it by coming up tonnes of ideas and somehow will end up mending it 😅 He also loves to give advice to anyone & everyone - unsolicited (duh!😂). Having been an army officer all his life, my brother & I were the unwitting recipients of it till we went to college & now we find it so funny seeing him dish out all kinds of suggestions & recommendations to any young chap he talks to 😅. Since retiring more than a decade ago, he has kept himself busy - from gardening to coaching youngsters for armed forces to giving interviews in local news channels on security-related programs to working in religious & educational organizations - he has been very active.
We don't know what the final diagnosis will lead to finally, but one thing is for sure - the road to recovery will be long. And that is my biggest fear - when he needs me to around him the most (though he will never express it) & me living far away in a country, it'll take me at least 24 hours to reach home, even if I take the fastest (and usually the most expensive!) option. Though my brother lives an hour away by flight & my bhabhi (sister-in-law) is a gem, I still have apprehensions to leave my parents under his care. My brother has never been the responsible kinds but I truly hope my bhabhi's influence will mold him into a better version of himself (similar to how my mother shaped my father over the years).
But the bigger questions still remain - Will there be an the idea of home be once my parents are gone? If so, what will it look like? I come to India at least twice/thrice every year (much more than an average Indo-Canadian), just because I can't wait to see them. What will India mean for me without a home? My parents are so co-dependent on each other and if something happens to either one them - I shudder to think what life will look like. I am still single and will be 40 in a few years. Whom will I have to call my own?
When Shani (Saturn) began it's transit in Pisces back in March 2025, which is 8th house in my father's horoscope, I told him that it is going to problematic phase, esp related to illness and ongoing delays. Ashtam shani is a kind of high-pressure, slow-moving, emotionally-rigid period that enforces major transformations. But I have full faith in him & Almighty. The cleansing that needs to be done - emotionally & spiritually will be undertaken & I shall be there to help him through this 🙏💖.
With Waheguru's mehr, we'll get through it :)
Love,
ASK
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