An Indian gay unwinds..

My boy, Just one word – Gratitude. For all the pain I am suffering now, for all the longing I have, for all the rejection and self-doubt that I am surrounded with right now, I still feel this deep urge to ‘Thank you’ for being. Going through the endless exchanges of messages I had with you, again and again, over sms, over facebook, over skype I am trying to relive all the moments that I spent with you. And oh boy! Wasn’t it beautiful! Each message, filled with such enthusiasm, such energy, such life! I don’t know if you remember, but I do. Succinctly!  Do you remember? It all started with the address of this blog one late night in the city I had begged to be assigned to me for my internship. Why? I don’t know. Just something inside me told me to opt for Calcutta. I was the only to be assigned my choice. And before arrival, my father’s ill health literally forced me to drop the internship, but I still managed somehow. And you happened!  That night of conversati...

The love bites still hurt. Angry purplish in color, they are clearly visible on both napes of neck. Standing at the station waiting for the train, I can see (or imagine!) the look of curiosity in people’s eyes when instead of focusing on my face, their gaze is deflected to the bruises on the neck.  And strangely I feel happy! For all of it to make sense, I have to go back to the very start.  More than 4 months have passed since I came to Mumbai. Ist Semester is already over. Back to back so many exams were too much for me to handle and in the last few, I didn’t even care what I was writing. On the social front I had mostly cut myself from most of my friends and colleagues, primarily because I was busy with exams. Finally when they got over  last week  finally I put up some pictures on a popular gay dating website. I was looking for nothing in particular, was pretty much open to everything but was unsure of how to move forward with it.  Let me t...

My first visit to an entirely new city, a city hailed as "City of dreams" by many ...a city which never sleeps..a city where thousands pour in everyday in hope of injecting a new lease into their lives..the most gay friendly city of India..MUMBAI !!!! After a long & arduous task of written exams followed by interviews spanning almost a whole year, here I am, staring out of a beautiful & almost wall sized window of my apartment in a multi storied building reflecting the turn of events that brought me from an almost nondescript town in North India to this amazing city which now I call home :) It has almost been a month since I have moved here & the first thing I fell in love with here are RAINS...Almost suddenly they'll catch you in between, drench you completely within minutes & then disappear with an equal swiftness leaving behind a soggy trail & an irritated mind. But even then,...

Happy New Year everyone !! I sincerely hope that this new year brings joy, happiness & contentment to all of you in ways you never imagined & take away your sorrows & pain forever !! So the week leading to this new year (the 52nd week of 2011) has been one hell of an experience for me. I OFFICIALLY CAME OUT to my parents a few days ago !!! It was a no holds barred intermittent discussion spread over 2-3 days sprinkled with lots of drama, emotions, weird moments & deafening silences & what not ! So here's my story of what happened, how it happened & 'who said what'.. PROLOGUE  - Struck up in life & stagnating at the same place for long I was contemplating coming out to my family since long but was searching for the perfect time but always there was some or the other issue cropped up like my dad's ill health, their professional problems, etc  umpteen such things to push my coming out to the back burner. Me being the youngest & the...

I like late nights...There is something peaceful about them and it’s not just the quietness around...Its more than mere absence of shouting, constant chattering, blaring TV etc around me in the hostel I live.. In the nights, when everyone is sleeping, the silent corridors make a spontaneous smile appear on my face, I feel as if there was a mass tied to my chest and now it’s slipping down giving way to a sense of immense relief and it exaggerated the smile even more… I am a night glower... Coming out of abstract things, it’s not just the final exams that are on my mind right now...They have their own weightage but life beyond is what is bothering me the most...Being here for nearly five years had made me forgot that there was a life beyond college...past life seems to me like a distant dream as if it actually happened to somebody else and I was just a witness to all that what was happening..My school days spent in various schools, my preparation period, even my first yr in this college....