Throwback to the sabbatical!
A strange sort of fear has overtaken me.
At 3.19 am, there are less than 3 hours for me to get up and get ready for that flight that'll take me back to Bombay amidst the same gruelling work-home life and frequent travel.
Past few days at home, were a throwback to the times I stayed here for the sabbatical exactly a year back. Getting up late, regular chai-sutta breaks, constantly checking mirror for hairloss (not less than 200 times a day!), hours long cycling, constant fb stalking with a bit of reading and blogging in between.
I went back to the same temples that come in way while I used to cycle in the evening last year. Though I am a Sikh by birth, but i have grown up mostly in Hindu surroundings, with an acute interest in Urdu and Islamic culture and learnt about Buddhist culture during many courses of Vipassana. Brush with Christianity happened when I was learning classical music in my growing up years. Summarily, I acknowledge all faiths and believe in single idea of Almighty, no matter what the external manifestation. Also, I am very particularly against fundamentalism. Of whatever kind.
Anyway, not to digress anymore, I remember the prayers I said last time. I was filled with no hope, no life and a fear of nothingness. And I prayed for His hand. To take wherever He wishes.
A long distance has been traversed since then. And I stand again, with the same cycle parked at a distance, same breezy weather and the same Gods. Only this time I couldn't verbalise any prayer. And I have a fear about this inability.
I should be sleeping now. Have a presentation tomorrow. What will the Boss think ;)
Song for the night. A plain, meaningless melancholy that'll go away. A moment that's just to be.
Norwegian Wood (Cover by Bobit)
At 3.19 am, there are less than 3 hours for me to get up and get ready for that flight that'll take me back to Bombay amidst the same gruelling work-home life and frequent travel.
Past few days at home, were a throwback to the times I stayed here for the sabbatical exactly a year back. Getting up late, regular chai-sutta breaks, constantly checking mirror for hairloss (not less than 200 times a day!), hours long cycling, constant fb stalking with a bit of reading and blogging in between.
I went back to the same temples that come in way while I used to cycle in the evening last year. Though I am a Sikh by birth, but i have grown up mostly in Hindu surroundings, with an acute interest in Urdu and Islamic culture and learnt about Buddhist culture during many courses of Vipassana. Brush with Christianity happened when I was learning classical music in my growing up years. Summarily, I acknowledge all faiths and believe in single idea of Almighty, no matter what the external manifestation. Also, I am very particularly against fundamentalism. Of whatever kind.
Anyway, not to digress anymore, I remember the prayers I said last time. I was filled with no hope, no life and a fear of nothingness. And I prayed for His hand. To take wherever He wishes.
A long distance has been traversed since then. And I stand again, with the same cycle parked at a distance, same breezy weather and the same Gods. Only this time I couldn't verbalise any prayer. And I have a fear about this inability.
I should be sleeping now. Have a presentation tomorrow. What will the Boss think ;)
Song for the night. A plain, meaningless melancholy that'll go away. A moment that's just to be.
Norwegian Wood (Cover by Bobit)
Vipassana courses now? Waah. Too late for this but good luck for the presentation!
ReplyDeletePoppin' in to say hi. Just started out on your blog and it's just so awesome. So many relatable things, so many instances that I could literally imagine myself in. Being gay kind of makes you feel lonely but being able to connect at this level with others is just amazing. Started my own blog and I could literally imagine experiencing similar situations you are in (in a med student too). Thanks for sharing. Would love to keep in touch, if you don't mind.
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