Divine help needed. ASAP!

[About the picture - It is the Fewa Lake in Pokhara, Nepal. Clicked it while taking a walk along the lakeside. If and when you go there, do sit at the shacks at the lakeside and let the breeze in :]

(Disclaimer added on 15/May/14 - The following post was written on my touch phone when I was getting drunk! Thought of deleting it, but then, for whom should I delete. It's my blog and I am allowed to be as shallow as possible and crib my heart out when I am drunk :D )

Days and weeks have passed..

Sitting besides the lake..pleasant breeze blowing..good English music in the background..sipping my 3rd Tuborg on a lounge chair in a hill station of another country...I am looking at the convocation pictures of my colleagues which happened today,  which incidentally I should have been attending but unfortunately I could not because I am not graduating year. From being a serious contender in the race for the best student of the year award to the only one who didn't graduate, all  in span of last 4 months.

What has happened to me? One person's influence on my life through his absence, has left me core less. The only thing I do throughout is 'Simran'..asking God for direction and pleading him to take me out of this serious mess. But I know all about rationality. I am just not able to take a NO for an answer. And keeping this flame alive in me is the habit of looking him up on fb everyday, just to get some sort of indication that he misses me and things will be okay. At this moment, I loathe myself. For being the super asshole that I am acting right now. I am just not able to digest that NO. I had long back accepted my inability to put things back on track and as always, have gone back to asking for divine intervention to help  me out of  this conundrum. I just keep picturing myself walking hand in hand in this beautiful place lake side with him, sleeping snuggled with him in the beautiful hotel room overlooking mountains, trying amazing foreign cuisines this place offers..waiting for any sign that he has me in back of his mind!

But he is so far far away. Both literary and figuratively that it is just hoping for impossible. But is nadaan dil ko kaise samjhau?

It is said that God helps those who help themselves. But I ain't contributing to the cause even a bit. Aur contraire, I am doing everything to keep those memories alive. And now how on this fucking earth can I expect God to help me then!!!!
Had I been observing myself as third person, even I wouldn't have dated myself ever!!
Knowing all that, I still keep on hoping and consequently torturing myself more :(

Being so far away from friends who actually care about about me and have helped me a lot in past to tide over in moments like these doesn't help.

I once again turn to you Thee. Only you have the ability to sort out my life. Please give my that elusive divine blessing to make me normal again. I beg of you. Please!