Feeling Liberated :)

(About the picture - "Starry Night' by Vincent Van Gogh. One of his most celebrated paintings, a personal favourite. Another one being 'Boats at Saintes Maries'. Was my wall paper for a long long time)

Recently I celebrated my birthday. I am officially on the wrong side on 20s now! Friends who were coincidentally here for official conference, had brought cake and we celebrated a little party at midnight! Thank you guys. Love you :) Also, the thing that had occupied every moment of my life, covertly or overtly for the past six months, the chapter of A finally was laid to rest. My inner demons at the end relented and vanquished my mind. And I seriously hope for the good.

After an eternity, A sent a polite message hoping all was good with me and wished me happy birthday on my fb wall. And that was the moment when I decided. After months of being in doldrums, I finally made the decision that I should have had made long time back, Nonetheless, all's well that ends well :) Following is the message I sent to him.

Dear A,

Thanks a lot for your wishes. I hear you are doing well.

We didn't start of as being friends. It was something different. And the transition to being acquaintances where you write on my wall is casual and unpalatable to me.

We clearly believe in different schools of thoughts. And if I look at it in this way, there was almost no similarity between us ab initio. We come from such diverse backgrounds and professions, Our friend circles, our interests, our beliefs, nothing was synchronous to begin with. Even our sexual preferences in terms of who's body we desire, were different.

I always believed in what one of my favorite authors Khalil Gibran has said about love. He says, It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created in years or even generations.

The idea of love is not always bout being together or talking to each other on a daily basis... But out of sight, out of mind, that isn't either.

I remember you said that you are a changed man now. In your own words when we met in march, you were either paagal then or have become now.

Many things changed for you in last one year and I won't find it difficult to believe that all this sounds something from far distant past to you, Something you had dealt with and wrapped up in your heart long back and with the kind of soul you are, with whatever little I have gathered, people and things around you have impression on you in subtle ways that consumes you on a plane but on a deeper level you still are the distant, unattached soul.

I believe you would be an amazing person to be friends with, but fortunately and unfortunately i didn't get a chance to be one.

Understanding life, understanding death understanding self and trying to decipher meaning of our existence are life long quests.

But sometimes, on the way we meet some people and then, want to know them more. It's all a trade off albeit risky, because then we would be sacrificing something yet unseen and unknown while we are at that stop.

I wanted to make that stop for you. And I tried.

But in the end, we are all humans.

One of the common writers we are interested in, Virginia Woolf puts it beautifully 'Lies will flow from my lips, but there may perhaps be some truth mixed up with them. It's for you to seek out the truth and to decide whether any part of it is worth keeping"

I was never your friend to begin with. And if destiny wishes sometime in future ever, we might bump into each other and start all over to see if we are meant to be friends ever again. But for now, I wish the best of people and the best of things in all your endeavors. May you find your destiny and your peace! ASK