An Indian gay unwinds..

He left this afternoon. After we went out in the scorching heat, to have a too-late-for-breakfast-yet-too-early-for- lunch snack on a Sunday afternoon, we shared a smoke sitting on the stairs of my building. The love bites were all over him,  peeking out of the no-collar tight T-shirt, a trademark of guys who have been into gymming for long to show off their fruit of labour :) I had met him on a social networking site meant for instant hook-ups in Kolkata long back, His drool-worthy picture displaying ripping muscles and a cute face. Aren't there cetain guys like that always that you know are too good for you and anyway they will not respond so what's the point of messaging them types? He was one of those kinds. Still I messaged him half hear tedly and somehow we kept in touch since then. Cut to few months down the line, I am back in Bombay and he was here for some work, we met, went along for a walk along the beach where among other things ...

I am afraid. At 3.50 am in the night I feel deserted. My episodic sanity crumbles in the face of lures...yet again. Each time I am pushed deeper into a sac filled with darkness, a pit getting deeper.. and images dance in front of my eyes. Under the lampshade, in the chilly dull yellow, where a wisp o f cold air pierces my naked chest. I see you roughing up with bodies. Tall lean and hairy ones. And hard. Your thin frame against anothe r. Of the watch, that's the only remnant of covers on skin. Thin fingers mingling into others. Of your eyes that stare like dark secrets, unknown. And silence afterwards. I saw just a bit, now I know. I want to see what others have witnessed. I want to be there when you make love to them. I want to see what you say when my mention comes, or do you even. I want to preserve the look of your eyes then. I want to be a part now. A distant attached part. P.S. Kiss I know those lips have been kissing other lips.  And not in the...

This in one interesting thing I am going to begin today. The series of -Letter to self over different periods of time. The need for them arises from the utterly liquidated life that I am living these days. With no job, no love, rapidly shrinking savings, and getting fattier and baldier with each passing day, I can barely think of any future. I mean the farthest I can think of is probably Sunday so that I can read the weekly horoscope in the paper. Yeah, that's the height of my uselessness. Having no intention of joining a new job (okay, I have applied for many half-halfheartedly but none of those fuckers called me for an interview!). So basically, as I would say in vernacular language -"Maa chudi hui hai" :p (For me, emotions are rarely conveyed in sophisticated terms.Having lived in hostels for so many years, every heartfelt emotion HAS to be expressed in a "gaali"). Therefore, sitting at home, doing nothing (Not exactly actually. I PRETEND to go to violin ...

(Was supposed to be published on 3rd January 2015) (About the picture - Taken en route to Nathu-la pass, Sikkim. Traveled alone, kind of soul searching trip! Made quite a few friends there, lovely weather :) Happy new year fellas!!! It's the year of 'The Sheep' (Chinese Astrology) & number 8 (Numerology). Hopefully this year brings happiness, contentment & good health for all of us!  It's been more than 6 months since my last serious post. Lazy ass that I am, I deserve a nice 'Danda' on my bum ( for those who don't know or haven't had the taste of it, it's nice beating  with a wooden stick, typically old-school types ;) But yeah, things have been really something lately. Okay lets begin with a quick recap, after the institutional education got over and I finally joined the 'Job-I-used-to-thing-I-was-made-for'. It came with reputable brand name, a fat pay cheque, and basically working for a social cause. So,...