Fears of 4 am.
I am afraid.
At 3.50 am in the night I feel deserted. My episodic sanity crumbles in the face of lures...yet again.
Each time I am pushed deeper into a sac filled with darkness, a pit getting deeper..
and images dance in front of my eyes. Under the lampshade, in the chilly dull yellow, where a wisp of cold air pierces my naked chest.
I see you roughing up with bodies. Tall lean and hairy ones. And hard. Your thin frame against another.
Of the watch, that's the only remnant of covers on skin. Thin fingers mingling into others.
Of your eyes that stare like dark secrets, unknown.
And silence afterwards.
I saw just a bit, now I know. I want to see what others have witnessed. I want to be there when you make love to them. I want to see what you say when my mention comes, or do you even.
I want to preserve the look of your eyes then.
I want to be a part now. A distant attached part.
P.S. Kiss
At 3.50 am in the night I feel deserted. My episodic sanity crumbles in the face of lures...yet again.
Each time I am pushed deeper into a sac filled with darkness, a pit getting deeper..
and images dance in front of my eyes. Under the lampshade, in the chilly dull yellow, where a wisp of cold air pierces my naked chest.
I see you roughing up with bodies. Tall lean and hairy ones. And hard. Your thin frame against another.
Of the watch, that's the only remnant of covers on skin. Thin fingers mingling into others.
Of your eyes that stare like dark secrets, unknown.
And silence afterwards.
I saw just a bit, now I know. I want to see what others have witnessed. I want to be there when you make love to them. I want to see what you say when my mention comes, or do you even.
I want to preserve the look of your eyes then.
I want to be a part now. A distant attached part.
P.S. Kiss
I know those lips have been kissing other lips.
And not in the clumsy way that we did, which was tender and passionate at the same time.
Where the touch of the lips just stayed.
The moments elapsed, savouring each moment of togetherness, of stillness, of wetness, of softness..of just nothingness travelling from the throat to the stomach right upto the eardrums and plugging them.
And not in the clumsy way that we did, which was tender and passionate at the same time.
Where the touch of the lips just stayed.
The moments elapsed, savouring each moment of togetherness, of stillness, of wetness, of softness..of just nothingness travelling from the throat to the stomach right upto the eardrums and plugging them.
I kissed you again. After an year. Those other lips have spoilt you for me.
OH my god...
ReplyDeletei can understand those fears..
first it's beautifully sadly written. perfect.
and those fears are reality. and everything is spoiled for us.. Just try to sleep they will go away eventually leaving scars.
Parth, you know, sleeping actually did help! & as for scars, just giving them time :)
DeleteThis is so beautifully written. I could feel the pain coming out every word. What else can one do but let the inevitability of loneliness wash over. Be strong, stay hopeful.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteI tried, and kind of teeny-tiny succeeded I guess.
How have you been? No updates lately!