Rendezvous with an Ex of 10 years at a Goa Beach..

 

          

(The carefree vibe that is chilling on a shack - @Candolim, Goa)

A sent a few WhatsApp messages last night. Enquiring about my health, job hunting, yada yada yada. At the end, he mentioned that he has fallen for someone new. Someone 'beautiful & special' but a big age-gap exists. Now A categorizes himself as polyamorous & polygamous and his past relationships couldn't work out because this very reason. Anyway, this time, he says he is going to listen to his partner (as opposed to his own thought process that keeps him happy & healthy) even though 'every cell in his body is struggling with it'. I sent him a polite message genuinely wishing him well & quoting one of my favourite poems by Faiz Ahmed Faiz Saab-

तुम ख़ौफ़-ओ-ख़तर से दर-गुज़रो,
जो होना है सो होना है,
गर हँसना है तो हँसना है
गर रोना है तो रोना है

तुम अपनी करनी कर गुज़रो
जो होगा देखा जाएगा :)

Life IS about hit & trial eventually. If one way has failed repeatedly, it's high time to pursue new methods. Something will change sometime. Either the objective will be achieved or one would realize that the objective in question is not meant for them. With age & experience, I have started applying the same scientific method to love equations also. The notions of excessively-romantic-love-living-in-each-others'-heartbeats types of love is out of the window. Kind of ironic as I was literally this 10 years ago 😂! ख़ैर, वक़्त के सितम कम हसीन नहीं :)

A doesn't need any introduction on this blog. I met him exactly 10 years ago. Most of my earlier posts, from 2014-16 were about him. The first one summarized how brief, yet beautiful my experience was with him. Anyone's first heartbreak gives a new taste of life, hitherto unknown. I was no different. I was in deeply, madly, truly वाला love with him & the pain was too much to bear. Subsequently, many posts talked about the flux of my thoughts, theatrical farewell letter I wrote to him, the tricks my mind played while I was still hungup on him & how I finally got over him. For the longest time, I believed that HE was the ONE that got away. The PERFECT ONE (sigh!)

इतना भी कुछ नहीं था 😂. Though it took me years to get over him properly, but in retrospect, his absence gave me good lessons on finding about what I truly desire & my self-worth. Anyway, after a longish period of no communication, we would catch up once in a while when he used to come to Mumbai. I have nothing but warmth for him & wish him the best. Though that doesn't mean I want to rekindle with him or anything, that water has flown under the bridge long back. In 2014 after the split, we took trains in different directions and are going through our own journeys. 

Hence when I was chilling in Goa a few months ago, A told me that he'll be there as well on some of those dates and I was excited to see him after years. We sat down at a seaside shack at Candolim beach, drinking beers and talking about how last 10 years went by. It started off with reminiscing about the dates we went on, the subsequent failed relationships, my mental health issues, his family troubles, our work situations and then the conversation went into the abstract, as it usually does with him. What loves means for each of us & how it has changed over the years, the purpose behind our major decisions, idealism of work & living and speculations about the future. 

It was a wonderful feeling sitting next to each other with both of us staring at the ocean & just talking for hours. His smooth voice, pregnant with pauses, coming in my ears while I am looking at the splashing waves & the setting sun. The picture above is from the same evening. 

ख़ैर, we said our goodbyes after dinner & I met a hot visitor later that night for a nice fuck session 😜

To summarize, yes A has found new love. I hope this one turns out good! As for me, I need a job first. Then I'll think of having a partner. 

Here's another gem from Faiz Saab for the day -

अब अपना इख़्तियार है चाहे जहाँ चलें,

रहबर से अपनी राह जुदा कर चुके हैं हम :)

Love!